Saying goodbye is hard.

So why do it?

Can’t we just let each other walk quietly off into the night, like when you’re on a boy’s trip and your buddy slips away to hit the rub and tug while the rest of you just pretend he went back to the hotel?

We say goodbye, because sometimes we have to. Not everything has a happy ending.

FootyRhino is no more. Well, it’s not no more, it’ll still exist on the interwebs, I just won’t be writing a weekly Musings anymore, no running diaries, no pod… no more long-winded references to movies made two decades ago.

In this scenario I am James Blunt and you are all Mischa Barton.



There are many reasons for this decision, not the least of which is the arrival of a bundle of joy any day now. Life comes at you fast. One day you’re a single, unemployed, time-rich dude in your mid 20’s, drinking cheap beer, living off a heavy diet of KFC and melted cheese and the next you’re married, working a real job, with a baby on the way and a bunch of responsibilities.

Let me tell you, that sounds depressing, but it’s actually way better – it just means you’ve got less time to make dick jokes about Caleb Daniel and far less time to compare Robbie Gray to Sasha Grey.

Throw in the fact I’ve been at this for six years now with little or no financial reward, and it kind of makes sense to call it a day. FootyRhino has basically been the complete opposite of Keep Gettin Dem Checks.

Six years. 500+ columns. Roughly 1.7 million words.

The time it takes to deliver this content each week is insanely unbalanced, kind of like a blind, one legged elephant riding a unicycle.

We also notched almost 150 episodes of the FootyRhino Podcast and managed to hit top spot on the iTunes list a couple of times, thanks to you guys. Shout out to Grant Fenn for being a good sport and allowing us to all heap shit on him for the past few years. His bold ancestral statements, poor fact checking and horrible orange jumpers have been a highlight for many listeners each week.

We’ve managed to do a bit in six years. There was even a point a few years back when a book was on the cards, but it kind of slipped away like Meg Ryan’s career. [1]

There’s another guy who needs a BIG thankyou – the other Rhino, Ryan Dawe, who back in 2011 helped created FootyRhino. He did all the stuff that comes without glory – built the site, fixed the bugs, taught his computer illiterate buddy how to publish on WordPress, and put out roughly 7648 fires over the years ranging from ‘how come pictures aren’t showing up anymore?’ to ‘holy fuck man I think I broke the internet! HELP!’

It’s been a lot of fun. I hope you’ve enjoyed reading and listening as much as I’ve enjoyed writing and talking.

I started this site for three reasons.

1: I was inspired by Bill Simmons – the best in the business and someone I’ve tried my best to emulate in style, independence and most importantly, not taking myself too seriously.

2: To improve my writing skills so that one day someone might pay me to watch sport and talk about it.

3: Boredom.

This isn’t a retirement letter. I’m a working journalist for Channel Seven Perth, and have been for six years. The demands are growing from that side of things – but rest assured I fully intend to write about footy in long form again, the pod might also be back at some stage. Stay tuned on that front. After all, there’s only a certain amount of time before all the Goodfellas, Rosie Jones and Taylor Swift jokes inevitably explode onto a page again.

We’ll also run back one last podcast, episode 147, next week. Fenn will cry like a bitch, I’ll wear orange.



Before we go, let’s do one of those flashbacks, like when your favourite TV shows can’t be bothered writing a new episode so they just trot out some of the ‘best of’ moments.

You don’t have to read all of these, but what the fuck else are you doing?

It all started in November 2011.  Richmond were a basket case at the time (surprise!), so I decided to write something about their long run of draft mistakes. This is the first column I published on the site:

Sometimes It Is Rocket Science

Not every FootyRhino column has been an attempt at humour – we’ve also had some serious moments. This next column was read by more people than anything else I’ve written in our six years:

Not That There’s Anything Wrong With That: A message to the first openly gay AFL player

The Musings kind of ‘organically’ became a ‘thing’, and it’s been a hell of a ride. Upton, Rosie, the elusive Pinder. It started with an idea to rehash some of the NAB Cup games from 2012, a way to help readers pick their starting fantasy squads. This is the first ever Musings:

Dream Team Musings, NAB Week One

The rest of the Musings are all on the site. It’s fun/scary taking a look back at random weeks to see which players nearly drove us to insanity, and which crowned our glory.

I wrote about Pav and his window that had never been opened back in 2012, feels weird that he’s now just got one game left.

Somebody Open a Window


Another popular column – our annual fantasy draft diary – this one is the first, from 2012:

Almost as Good as Vegas: The 2012 Fantasy Football Draft

How about our first keeper league draft? Needed a diary too:

I’ll Take Lynden Dunn! The 2014 Keeper League Running Draft Diary

Brownlow nights have been an obsession of mine for the better part of 25 years. So it made sense to break them down while I watched on live TV:

Rory Sloane & the Attack of the Clones: 2012 Brownlow Medal Running Diary

Then, last year, shit got real and we made it to the big show, working for Channel Seven I was live at the Brownlow. Of course, most of the column was about the stuff Gillon doesn’t read out:

The Really Really Late and only Sort of Relevant Brownlow Medal Running Diary: 2015

I’ll leave you with one last Upton (you thought I forgot!), courtesy of Rocky putting up 301 in a two week period. 



Join us for next week’s Pod, and keep following on Twitter for what’s next. (I’d also be lying if I didn’t want as many of you to leave a comment below, remembering the fun times. I’ll read them at night whilst sobbing into a bowl of cherry ice-cream)

What better way to go, than to let Swayze, Whoopi and Demi do it for us.

Rhino out.




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  1. [1] Yes, there’s a 500 page manuscript completed and saved deep on my hard drive. Maybe one day it’ll see the light of day. Or get me arrested. It’s one of the two.