At FootyRhino we believe that children are our future, teach them well and let them lead the way. You need to show them all the beauty they possess inside.

We also believe that covering each round of the fantasy season in excruciating detail, with numbers, analysis, advice and jokes that are sometimes funny and always offensive is the other future. Or the present.

Here’s the Fantasy Musings for Round 20 of 2016.

RICHMOND v COLLINGWOOD

AF tons: Grigg 139, Treloar 115, Houli 111, Dusty 110, Sidebottom 106, Cotchin 101, Markov 101

Fantasy Champ tons: Grigg 161, Sidebottom 143, Treloar 121, Houli 139, Dusty 132, Markov 118, Cotchin 111, Rance 107, Grundy 105, Adams 105, Astbury 101

*

A little while back, after a fantasy draft, and way way way too many beers, my buddy Josh and I were having another beer. Followed by more beers.

We started waxing about fantasy football, where it’s been, where it’s going, why we love it.

That day, we made fantasy football love, and got pregnant with an idea baby. That baby was born in March this year, and we named it Fantasy Champ.

Fantasy Champ is a Daily Fantasy platform created by us, for you.

We came up with a  cool scoring system that awards points for running bounces, goal assists and triple doubles.

You start with a salary cap, pick ten players from any given day of footy, and go up against other fantasy footy nerds in a tournament. If you enter a paid tournament, and you win, you take out the bounty. It’s pretty simple.

Head to www.fantasychamp.com.au to give it a whirl.

Now, back to the Musings…

*

When One Direction lost Zane, there were so many questions to be asked.

Would they still be as popular?

How would they fill the void?

Would anyone that’s not a teenage girl actually care? And what is a Zane?

The answers? Not a teenage girl. Don’t care.

I do however care about replacing Scott Pendlebury.

It’s finals time, this stuff matters more than ever.

Here are the top eight midfielders I’d recommend from here if Pendles is done, even for a week:

Dangerfield – obviously

Sloane – great run home, on fire

Rocky – always has a 150 round the corner

Treloar – should pick up the slack with Pendles out

Coniglio – I’m super high on this kid.

Kennedy – in stupid-good form

Parker – ditto

Zaharakis – just kidding

Steven – little shaky at times but can go BIG

*

QUICK FIRE NOTES

Shaun Grigg ends seasons, and he saves seasons. That’s what Shaun Grigg does. Did he end yours? Save yours? * Bachar has come back on fire, but gee it was a long hold in draft leagues if you did it * in Dusty’s last 14 games he’s scored less than 99 just once. * There’s a strong chance Oleg Markov’s been placed here as a Russian spy. If you don’t hear from me the next 48 hours, you know what’s happened * don’t even look twice at Andrew Moore. Don’t do it. * Adam Marcon looks a player, and his age makes a late surge possible * Ben Griffiths went back to sucking, hard * Adam Treloar was the best of the Collingwood mids, should finish strong * Grundy continues his brilliant fantasy campaign – it’ll be him and Gawn the next five years * Rupert Wills is like finding money

SYDNEY v PORT

AF tons: Titch 139, Hannebery 129, Parker 128, Heeney 127, Wines 111, Lloyd 107, JPK 105, McVeigh 104

Fantasy Champ tons: Titch 161, Parker 150, Hannebery 139, Heeney 127, Pittard 126, JPK 121, Wines 121, Lloyd 114, McVeigh 104

*

No theme tune in the history of television has been more suited to its show than the one for Roseanne.

Middle American family, plenty of sass, dirty, grungy, funny as hell. The kind of tune you’d expect to hear in a dive bar in the wrong part of town.

 

 

Sometimes things just fit, like Luke Parker and fantasy football.

It feels like we’re spruiking the Swans midfield every week, but we’re doing it for a reason – they’re awesome. If your midfield is Swan free, you need to change that and Parker is a great choice.

*

QUICK FIRE NOTES

Dan Hannebery ain’t so bad either, or Titch, or JPK. Take your pick. * Isaac Heeney has had the best two week fantasy stint of his short career. He’s going to be special. * signs of life from Jarrad McVeigh – ABOUT DAMN TIME * It was fun while it lasted, Sam Naismith, but we can’t have you on the ground in finals if 55 is what you’re delivering * Ollie Wines is s stud. If Port ever start being awesome again he’ll be the big winner * Sam Gray has averaged 95.6 the past few weeks. It’s like 2015 all over again. * Robbie Gray stunk it up, spending most of the day in the forward pocket  – he had just seven disposals

HAWTHORN v MELBOURNE

AF tons: MAGNITUDE GAWN 144, Viney 134, Jones 126, Tyson 123, Cyril 123

Fantasy Champ tons: Jones 162, I. Smith 158, Viney 158, MAGNITUDE GAWN 154, Tyson 140, Cyril 129, Hodge 112, Gunston 111, Watts 109, Lewis 108, Oliver 108

*

9 weeks.

9 weeks of wonderful, beautiful fantasy football.

9 fucking weeks.

Actually, because of the bye it was ten weeks.

10 weeks.

10 weeks of wonderful, beautiful fantasy football.

10 fucking weeks.

Jordan Lewis had nine straight tons heading into a clash with Melbourne.

He needed just one more to register the first Pinder of the season.

What’s a Pinder, I hear you ask?

When a player scores ten straight fantasy tons, we are awarded with a picture or video of the glorious Lucy Pinder.

He scored 98.

2 points short.

2 fucking points.

We waited ten weeks for him to fall 2 points short.

Apparently, in old English times a Pinder was a person whose job was to impound stray animals.

Sounds about right. We’re just a bunch of dudes wandering the fantasy earth searching for stray animals.

*

QUICK FIRE NOTES

MAGNITUDE GAWN in the first week of the Gawntlett of Truth. He knew. * Jack Viney and Dom Tyson are keeper league gold, and we had no idea that was the case this time last year. * Clayton Oliver went off the radar for a while, but don’t forget about the kid. He can seriously find it * Luke Hodge went for 95, his best effort since round 16 and is always a candidate to explode for a month – I just don’t see it happening this time * Sam Mitchell copped the Viney tag and got owned.

GOLD COAST v GWS

AF tons: May 112, Garlett 111, Scully 108, Mummy 106, Coniglio 101, Greene 101, Lynch 100

Fantasy Champ tons: May 156, Smith 141, Whitfield 132, Greene 126, Garlett 117, Coniglio 117, Johnson 113, Lynch 112, Kolodjashnij 111, Scully 108, Mummy 106, Ward 105, Matera 102

*

There’s a bunch of stuff I thought would happen before Steven May became fantasy relevant.

World War 3.

The return of the dinosaurs.

Me negotiating a successful three way with Mrs Rhino and Kate Upton.

The addition of a 13th month, Gladuary, where no one works and everyone gets free beer.

Yet here we are, Steven May has two tons in three weeks and a five game average of 83.1.

Ok, sure, he’s not quite Tom Rockliff yet, but he’s warming up, and I still haven’t heard back from Kate, there’s no sign of a T-Rex anywhere and we’re all still paying for beer.

What gives?

*

QUICK FIRE NOTES

Six tons in his last seven for Coniglio. The guy is bust proof * great return from Lachie Whitfield…now let’s see him do it again, and again and again * remember when Ryan Griffen was a fantasy gun? Yeah, me neither * Zac Williams might be a must own player to start 2017. He’s been brilliant * I kinda like Nick Haynes. He’ll be a great under the radar draft pick-up next year * Heath Shaw couldn’t get his usual cheap fest going, cause the Suns wouldn’t relent. What a waste * Tom Lynch could average 100+ next year, once the cavalry returns. He’s that good.

DOGS v NORTH

AF tons: Bont 118, Goldy 114, Macmillan 101, Wells 100

Fantasy Champ tons: Bont 124, Wood 118, Goldy 120, Macmillan 118, Wells 117, Dal Santo 116, Boomer 113, JJ 107, Caleb 106, Cunnington 104, Gibson 103

*

There’s nothing worse than overstaying your welcome.

The first 8 seasons of Scrubs were brilliant.

Moments like this:

 

 

AND THIS:

 

 

AND I COULD GO ON ALL DAY.

Apart from season nine. It sucked. Hard.

A whole new cast, with only the obligatory cameo from our favourites – which just made us realise how much we missed Turk and JD.

Scrubs stayed a season too long, and while most serious fans of the show prefer to pretend it never happened, it still dented our expeirence a little.

Is that what’s happening with Lachie Hunter right now? Is his sub par end to 2016 souring his magnificent start? Or am I being too harsh?

Hunter is just about the last man standing in the middle for the Dogs, and it’s wearing him down.

Here’s some numbers:

 

Lachie Hunter Rounds 1-11 12-18 19-20
Average 111.8 101.6 80

 

It probably means nothing that Hunter has had two straght duds for the first time this year… or maybe it doesn’t?

The Dogs play Essendon, Collingwood and Freo in the last three weeks, which means you can’t trade him anyway.

Season nine here we come.

*

QUICK FIRE NOTES

The Bont, meanwhile, has ten tons in his last 13 starts * JJ looked great and could have a big finish to the year * with that easy fixture, Bont, JJ and Matthew Boyd would be great trade targets * Clay Smith copped a hit and played only a few minutes. That would’ve burnt a few * Luke Dahlhaus looked tired and banged up – I’m not sure he’s fit * Toddy Goldstein finally stood up, if you can’t afford Max these next few weeks the Goldy basket isn’t the worst basket * that’s a three week average of 104.3 for Jamie Macmillan

BRISBANE v ADELAIDE

AF tons: Lynch 139, Smith 127, Rocky 127, Walker 126, Bastinac 125, Jenkins 124, Sloane 117, B. Crouch 116, Talia 112, Laird 110, M. Crouch 105, Jarryd Lyons 102

Fantasy Champ tons: Smith 169, Lynch 167, Bastinac 155, Talia 148, Sloane 146, Rocky 143, Walker 142, Jenkins 134, B. Crouch 133, Laird 127, M. Crouch 127, Jarryd Lyons 118, Atkins 110, Cameron 103, Mackay 103

*

CROUCH OFF!!!

 

  BRAD CROUCH MATT CROUCH
Games 11 17
AF Average 89.4 90.6
AF High Score 116 128
AF Low Score 56 61
FC Average 98.5 97.1
FC High Score 143 142
FC Low Score 56 61       

 

Brad put up 73 points by half time, and is averaging 102.4 in his last five. Matt is going at 99.6 during that stretch but has three straight tons. It’s on. Like the Kong of Donkeys.

*

QUICK FIRE NOTES

Ten Crows went for 100+ in AF and 13 in Fantasy Champ. Safe to say you should probably load up on teams playing Brisbane these next few weeks. * we keep saying it, but Tom Lynch is a great choice up forward, and no one EVER picks him * Cam Ellis-Yolmen is far too good to be playing SANFL * great start from Reilly O’Brien, but Jacobs will be back next week * The Man of Seed did his hammy, cause that’s what the Man of Seed does. * great game from Rocky, but he went at just 61%. That’s a concern * Dayne Zorko is really starting to struggle at the worst possible time. Keep the faith for another week

CARLTON v ST KILDA

AF tons: Simpson 135, Cripps 131, Newnes 124, Rosie Jones 120, NRoo 117, Tuohy 106, Ross 103, Roberton 101, Gibbs 100.

Fantasy Champ tons: Simpson 179, Cripps 148, Newnes 164, Montagna 143, Rosie Jones 130, NRoo 139, Tuohy 116, Ross 120, Roberton 124, Gibbs 120, Armitage 111, Bruce 110, Billings 106, Gresham 103, Weller 100

*

We’ve never needed you more, Sam. [1]

 

*

QUICK FIRE NOTES

Other than his slip-up in round 19, Kade Simpson has been the most consistent defender of 2016. I never thought I’d write that sentence * Patrick Cripps is going to be scary good when he figures out no one can stop him * Bryce Gibbs has seven straight tons and three games left. You do the math #pinderwatch *Andrew Walker – the fantasy premium that never was * Jack Newnes flew under the radar this season but he’s edged slightly forward again. Five straight years increasing his average * Tom Hickey has six scores of 96+ for the year * Jack Steven can’t handle a tag. It’s true

GEELONG v ESSENDON

AF tons: Brown 131, Enright 121, Gleeson 115, Kelly 108, Taylor 106, Danger 105, Guthrie 103, Duncan 102

Fantasy Champ tons: Duncan 144Brown 141, Enright 131, Danger 128, Gleeson 125, Taylor 122, Kelly 118, Guthrie 113, Hawkins 107, J. Selwood 101

*

You should’ve seen the Pinder picture I had picked out for Zac Merrett. It was glorious.

Let’s just say there was a beach, a bunch of water, oil, a mongoose and some questionably placed sand.  

Instead, here’s a video of a regular mongoose fighting with a snake, which is also pretty awesome, just not Lucy Pinder awesome.

 

 

*

QUICK FIRE NOTES

Corey Enright was sitting on 99 at half time. HALF TIME!!! Let’s hope he goes around for one more year * Danger was quiet, by his standards, which proves you can’t just pencil in 150+ against the Bombers. * Has there ever been a better late season cash cow/cover cow than Sam Menegola? * if you had hopes of Scott Selwood not tagging and running up big numbers, you haven’t been listening. That’s him now. Tagger. * Martin Gleeson drifted into the Goddard role with BJ down and out for the day. It’s why his numbers were inflamed and why you might want to take a draft flier on him this week if Goddard misses * Adam Cooney might be unfashionable, but his draft coaches don’t care. He’s been just wonderful. Averaging 89.6 for the year. * Expect James Kelly to finish strong after his rest.

WEST COAST v FREMANTLE

AF tons: Masten 116, Kennedy 112, Lecras 107, Priddis 106, Hurn 100, Spurr 100

Fantasy Champ tons: Shuey 141, Priddis 134, Cripps 133, Masten 132, Kennedy 118, Lecras 107, Hurn 106, Spurr 100

*

You know how Daryl and Rick from Walking Dead kind of have this unspoken bond that keeps them from killing each other and keeps them saving each other? And even though they both kind of hate each other from time to time, they know a fight isn’t worth it cause one or both ain’t walking out alive? And how somehow Daryl allows Rick to act all alpha-dog when clearly he’s the one with better instincts, skills and awesomeness?

That’s basically me and Elliot Yeo this year.

Despite his weaknesses, his penchant for going missing, posting low scores, getting ‘ill’ or not adapting to roles, I’ve backed him in. I’ve defended him to you guys, yelled at people in the street for doubting him. And it cost me. It cost me my season. As I write this message to you, I’m done. My AF season is over, and I blame Elliot Yeo.

Here’s why:

Final round of my league’s regular season (we play finals a week early, because we’re retarted or something).

Elliot Yeo, a point of difference, scores 64. I lose by 10 points. This drops me to fourth, from second, and means I have a far tougher qualifying final match-up.

Elliot Yeo hatred level – 6/10.

Qualifying Final week:

Elliot Yeo, of course a point of difference, because no one else is dumb enough to have Elliot Yeo at this point, is a late withdrawal, which means I have to rely upon my emergency. That Himmelman guy from Brisbane. Fuck. I lose by 20. And by the way, if I’m in the other qualifying final, I win easily and go straight to the prelim with a week off.

Eliot Yeo hatred level – 9/10

Semi-Final Week:

Elliot Yeo returns, to play the lowly Dockers – the ones who leak fantasy points.

Or so we think.

Elliot Yeo scores 61, giving away a bunch of free kicks in the process. I lose by 5 points.

Season over. That’s it.

And sure, I only have myself to blame. And sure, I could’ve upgraded him, or downgraded him, or just not had him in the first fucking place. But why would I want that? Then I’d still be playing in the prelim this week instead of sitting here crying into a king size block of Cadbury chocolate while sculling my 4th glass of cheap scotch.  

Elliot Yeo hatred level – 15/10 – enough so that I’ll (A) never pick him again and (B) only ever refer to from now on as Elliot No.

*

QUICK FIRE NOTES

Stephen Hill has quietly had a really solid fantasy season, averaging 87 and has been available down back in some formats * if you still have Michael Walters you deserve to lose * that was just the second ton in 9 weeks for Josh Kennedy * for all the Mark Lecras hate he has four tons and a 93 in his last seven games. * Andrew Gaff just isn’t going to get it together this year. Move on quickly.  


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  1. [1] for those who have no idea what we’re talking about, we award a pic of Rosie O’Donnell every time Sam Docherty falls short of 100. Every time he goes 100+ we go with Rosie Jones. If he gets two in a row, it’s two pics, and so on. Why? It’s been so long I can’t even remember.